"Just get over it."

You know, I keep telling myself that sentence and it doesn't seem to be happening...I didn't realize that I hadn't dealt with my feelings over this until today when I saw him in a picture with another girl. I'm not in any way JEALOUS of her, she's a very sweet girl, but I feel like I gave a piece of myself to him. Not physically, to anyone reading this who just had a heart attack. But mentality and spiritually I did. I had/have some special memories with him and I thought, a few months ago, God was showing me that he was going to be something special in my life. And when everything when downhill and he basically rejected me, I buried it. I didn't deal with it, I didn't cry, I didn't get mad; I literally shoved it under a rug and left it alone. And today when I saw that picture it was like someone punched me in the stomach and I couldn't breath. I had, for so long, seen us together and to see him with someone else was so unbelievably painful. But it wasn't a NEW pain, it was a VERY BITTER pain that I have felt before...twice. And the Lord said to me very quietly..."Katie, this is why I want you to STOP trying to make it happen on your own. And stop looking too far into the future. It does nothing but hurt you. And I don't want to see my little girl hurting." ... You know He has said this to me over and over and yet I didn't listen. Oh the heart break I must have caused Him...But it STOPS HERE. I'm done trying to make things happen because I think they would be good or because I "think" it's God's will, you know what, IF it IS God's will then it'll happen and I WON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. *gasp* Imagine that...actually letting God do something and not interfering???? Yeah it'll be hard but He made me and knows EXACTLY what is going to happen in my life, stuff that I don't even know...That's amazing in and of itself. I am done saying, "Oh it has to be God's will." and I'm going to start saying, "God, I want to be in the center of Your good and perfect will." It WILL be hard(not maybe) but it'll be worth it...whether or NOT it involves a guy being in my life. But the bible says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." And being married is a desire of my heart, but I have to DELIGHT myself in the Lord and let Him do the rest. I have no doubts that God's will for my life is far more then I can ever being to imagine, so why do I try and even make it happen? I'm going to DELIGHT myself in the Lord and not worry about anything else, because that is why I am here, to love and serve my Mighty Savior whom I love and want to be like in every way.